Wednesday, February 25, 2026

Playing Chess with Confucius

I do not understand his moves.
They are random, his queen
traipsing across the board
like a streetwalker looking for tricks
with a lusty bishop or a knight
behaving like a Calaveras jumping frog.
He throws the I Ching before every move,
looking at the random yarrow sticks
before pushing a pawn into slave labor.
He smiles a lot and says he can’t lose.
“It is what it is,” he says with a sigh.
“Be good, be kind. Drink rice wine
and make love in moderation.
Study art, politics, and religion.”
I move a rook two squares to the left.
“You’re a stereotype,” I say. “Checkmate.”
He scratches a whiskered chin.
“Ah,” he says. “Just as it should be.
The Mandate of Heaven prevails."
He is full of wind and words,
a puffy cloud with too many followers.
He puts a stick in each of his nostrils
and twitches his erudite nose.
“I am a walrus,” he laughs.
“Ah, just as it should be,” I say.
“The laughing toad gathers no moss.
A stitch in time saves nine. Etcetera.”
He snores while I sneak away
with his college coed courtesan.

~William Hammett


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