Buddha's tour dates have been canceled,
and ticket-holders have been refunded their money.
Sometimes the Buddha doesn't have much to say.
Often, he plays life close to the vest,
serenely like a potato
trying to figure out its tuberous karma.
The Katmandu Gazette reports
that he hasn't opened his eyes in several days,
and his roadies have dismantled
the Bodhi tree and the pagoda.
The tour hasn't been rescheduled,
and some say the cancelation
because the Buddha is consulting
a gastroenterologist in Buffalo.
This is only speculation, of course,
and sources close to the Buddha
emphatically denied that his chakras are blocked.
Rolling Stone has written that the Buddha
recently suffered a nervous breakdown
after learning he'd fathered a love child.
truth remains elusive,
which is what you'd expect in such a situation.
Personally, I don't have a dog in the fight.
If truth is subjective,
reality is butterscotch and maya—
that I must transmigrate to learn I was never here—
the tour was over a long time ago.
We could just as well go to tent revivals
or stare at kumquats rotting on a tree.